[ He admittedly does give a little jump of start at the motion, mostly because his efforts had been to compartmentalize have taken hold. He glances down and then shifts his hand to take it: ]
[ And then there's a shift in that quiet. Still very still but it's something more akin to a vacuum, like he really is stubbornly trying to pull everything in and ignore everything outside. Almost as if he doesn't want to chance a glance into Gingham's mind. ]
... I kind of knew it was coming, between Cashmere's question in the last performance and another performance. I didn't know how.
[ He starts, falters. ] He tried to confront her about it. About how being a witch can't mean killing people for your own gain. She mocked him about it and -
a lot of things had been built up. He was mad, because she'd killed Alice. She said he'd be just like her and called him a pet and - I guess that was enough for his power to show up for the first time.
[ His free hand shifts to scrub at an eye. For a moment, lying. Dropping it sounds better. For a moment he thinks he should, but it's quickly disregarded. ]
There were these other two ladies, he took control of their minds. He didn't mean to exactly, but he still did. He had them drag her to this quicksand while she begged for him to stop and throw her in. She sunk in seconds.
And then he just completely lost control of it, the other two ladies went flying and - they sank, just like she did.
[ He doesn't let go at least, he in fact squeezes his hand a long moment before he shakes his head. ]
But that's just it, it was his power. He did want her gone in that moment - maybe not the other two ladies. He was just so mad.
[ but he did essentially just watch 4 people die. Well, no. ]
One of my other visions are after this. I know she survives, maybe there's a chance the other two ladies do to - [ He does not sound hopeful as he shakes his head. ] I know it's not my fault -
[ does he? find out after tomorrow's conversation with gray ] - the feelings in them, they've just been getting more intense? It feels more real, so seeing it like that's really -
[ Not me rolling a 20 on Phoenix absolutely understanding that Billy wanted Agatha dead in that moment. ]
[ He breathes out. ]
Dixie even said it was only the beginning. That all of this? It's barely gonna been a month, there's still so much more to come. She didn't fully say if it was about visions, but if they're all just going to be more and more intense...
...You know you don't have to keep watching them, right? I mean, maybe it's not my place to say, but if they're only going to get more vivid and yours have been hurting you... I just want to make sure you know you have a choice.
[ He finally looks at Gingham properly, shifting to make it more comfortable as he does before shrugging: ]
I guess - I've just been curious? Especially if all of this is important to us. Maybe not having a past is a part of it.
[ He frowns slightly looking away. ] ... I'll probably wait a while before watching the next one. Whenever that is. Who knows, maybe the Disorder won't win anymore performances for a while.
I get it. I mean - why you would want to know more about him. I just want to make sure you're going to be okay.
[gives his hand a squeeze]
I'm sorry you got back another one like that. I don't know what seeing something like that would feel like, exactly, but - I can imagine it's really hard.
[ Is he ever going to be okay??? (No) Which is why he gracefully doesn't say that he's getting used to them being bad. ]
I'm... actually really glad to hear you don't know what it's like. I hope you never have to, but if it does - you can tell me about it. As - [ he tries to force a laugh ] - uncomposed as I am right now, I'm actually pretty good with other people's issues.
For what it's worth, you can always feel free to be uncomposed around me.
[it's a light joke, and he gives his hand a squeeze]
Speaking of which... Doing any better, or do you want to talk about it more? [...] I guess that doesn't need to have to be an or, we can still talk about it even if you're doing a little better.
[ He shifts forward to snatch up the ouija board and briefly lets go of Gingham's hand to get up. ]
I wouldn't say I'm doing better — [ The determination to be honest is strong as he puts the item back on the shelf next to the stuffed lion. His shoulders slightly drooped before he tilts his head back to look at him ] but we are supposed to be doing a lot better things than worrying about something that may or may not be real.
[ He smiles, a real smile in spite of how he otherwise feels (how it doesn't fully reach his eyes) ] How about I go get the drinks real quick and you get comfortable? Then, you can see my favorite romance movie.
I mean - if that's what you want to do, sure. But I just want to make sure you know I really don't mind talking about it more if you'd like to. I think it's natural to be worried after seeing something like that.
[ His hands drop to his side and at least now, he can (mostly) hold Gingham's gaze. ]
And I am worried. I probably won't ever not be worried? About what I see. You. Dove. Everyone. But we can't do anything about it, it doesn't change them. I don't think they're going to get better and I'm definitely going to keep thinking about them. A lot.
[ which is probably why that ring still lies in his pocket, his fingers twist worriedly and he drops his gaze now. ]
But whatever happened in those visions, if they're real - they have to be in the past. Right now, what I want to focus on is the now. It's really the only thing we have, right?
Okay. But if it ever gets to be too much - I'm always willing to listen. I don't want you to think that it's going to worry me more if you talk to me about it, because that'll never be the case. What matters more to me is that you're as okay with them as you can be, so if there's anything I can do... I mean, you'd offer the same, right?
[trails off and then nods]
But for now - a movie sounds great if that would help you take your mind off it.
That's not a question, of course I would. [ He says it almost immediately, far more confident then he's spoken in the past few minutes. He's not entirely sure there's anything Gingham can do about it - there's definitely not anything he can do about it. ]
[ He does know for now a break is good, even if he scratches the back of his neck. ] I was going to ask if you... wanted to be there if I took them? Or together? But that sounds weird and you probably have plans with Sun Sign.
[ Huffs a breath. ] I can think of, like, a number of things that can take my mind off of it but there's one above the others.
I definitely want to be there when you take them, if that's alright with you. I've been taking mine with Satin recently, but - even if we keep doing that, I can text you as soon as I've seen them so I can talk about mine with you, if you want. Either way, it doesn't sound weird.
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Re: day 334
[ He swallows and nods. Doesn't close his eyes so he doesn't have to reimagine seeing Alice's body - ]
It got worse? Not that -
It's all kind of equally bad.
Re: day 334
Worse in what way?
Re: day 334
[ And then there's a shift in that quiet. Still very still but it's something more akin to a vacuum, like he really is stubbornly trying to pull everything in and ignore everything outside. Almost as if he doesn't want to chance a glance into Gingham's mind. ]
... I kind of knew it was coming, between Cashmere's question in the last performance and another performance. I didn't know how.
[ He starts, falters. ] He tried to confront her about it. About how being a witch can't mean killing people for your own gain. She mocked him about it and -
a lot of things had been built up. He was mad, because she'd killed Alice. She said he'd be just like her and called him a pet and - I guess that was enough for his power to show up for the first time.
[ His free hand shifts to scrub at an eye. For a moment, lying. Dropping it sounds better. For a moment he thinks he should, but it's quickly disregarded. ]
There were these other two ladies, he took control of their minds. He didn't mean to exactly, but he still did. He had them drag her to this quicksand while she begged for him to stop and throw her in. She sunk in seconds.
And then he just completely lost control of it, the other two ladies went flying and - they sank, just like she did.
Re: day 334
...It sounds like it wasn't his fault. And it definitely wasn't your fault. But I know that might not make it any easier to see.
Re: day 334
But that's just it, it was his power. He did want her gone in that moment - maybe not the other two ladies. He was just so mad.
[ but he did essentially just watch 4 people die. Well, no. ]
One of my other visions are after this. I know she survives, maybe there's a chance the other two ladies do to - [ He does not sound hopeful as he shakes his head. ] I know it's not my fault -
[ does he? find out after tomorrow's conversation with gray ] - the feelings in them, they've just been getting more intense? It feels more real, so seeing it like that's really -
Re: day 334
[there's another pause, though, as he nods]
I think that's what it's been like for all of us. That they're getting more vivid, I mean. That makes it even harder when you see things like this.
Re: day 334
[ He breathes out. ]
Dixie even said it was only the beginning. That all of this? It's barely gonna been a month, there's still so much more to come. She didn't fully say if it was about visions, but if they're all just going to be more and more intense...
Re: day 334
Re: day 334
[ He finally looks at Gingham properly, shifting to make it more comfortable as he does before shrugging: ]
I guess - I've just been curious? Especially if all of this is important to us. Maybe not having a past is a part of it.
[ He frowns slightly looking away. ] ... I'll probably wait a while before watching the next one. Whenever that is. Who knows, maybe the Disorder won't win anymore performances for a while.
Re: day 334
[gives his hand a squeeze]
I'm sorry you got back another one like that. I don't know what seeing something like that would feel like, exactly, but - I can imagine it's really hard.
Re: day 334
I'm... actually really glad to hear you don't know what it's like. I hope you never have to, but if it does - you can tell me about it. As - [ he tries to force a laugh ] - uncomposed as I am right now, I'm actually pretty good with other people's issues.
[ get it telepathic joke ]
Re: day 334
[it's a light joke, and he gives his hand a squeeze]
Speaking of which... Doing any better, or do you want to talk about it more? [...] I guess that doesn't need to have to be an or, we can still talk about it even if you're doing a little better.
Re: day 334
[ He shifts forward to snatch up the ouija board and briefly lets go of Gingham's hand to get up. ]
I wouldn't say I'm doing better — [ The determination to be honest is strong as he puts the item back on the shelf next to the stuffed lion. His shoulders slightly drooped before he tilts his head back to look at him ] but we are supposed to be doing a lot better things than worrying about something that may or may not be real.
[ He smiles, a real smile in spite of how he otherwise feels (how it doesn't fully reach his eyes) ] How about I go get the drinks real quick and you get comfortable? Then, you can see my favorite romance movie.
Re: day 334
I mean - if that's what you want to do, sure. But I just want to make sure you know I really don't mind talking about it more if you'd like to. I think it's natural to be worried after seeing something like that.
Re: day 334
[ His hands drop to his side and at least now, he can (mostly) hold Gingham's gaze. ]
And I am worried. I probably won't ever not be worried? About what I see. You. Dove. Everyone. But we can't do anything about it, it doesn't change them. I don't think they're going to get better and I'm definitely going to keep thinking about them. A lot.
[ which is probably why that ring still lies in his pocket, his fingers twist worriedly and he drops his gaze now. ]
But whatever happened in those visions, if they're real - they have to be in the past. Right now, what I want to focus on is the now. It's really the only thing we have, right?
Re: day 334
Okay. But if it ever gets to be too much - I'm always willing to listen. I don't want you to think that it's going to worry me more if you talk to me about it, because that'll never be the case. What matters more to me is that you're as okay with them as you can be, so if there's anything I can do... I mean, you'd offer the same, right?
[trails off and then nods]
But for now - a movie sounds great if that would help you take your mind off it.
Re: day 334
[ He does know for now a break is good, even if he scratches the back of his neck. ] I was going to ask if you... wanted to be there if I took them? Or together? But that sounds weird and you probably have plans with Sun Sign.
[ Huffs a breath. ] I can think of, like, a number of things that can take my mind off of it but there's one above the others.
Re: day 334
One above the others?
Re: day 334
[ He tries not to look briefly amused, and it falters quickly. ]
You. Anything with you. Duh? Like just being with you.
Re: day 334
[there's a small smile]
Well... Ditto, you know?
Re: day 334
[ he scrubs the back of his neck, ]
I'm going to go get our drinks before I say anything sappier.
Re: day 334
[stands to find a more comfortable place on the bed rather than the floor though]
Re: day 334
[ It's half a joke tossed over his shoulder before coming back in. He's got four cups of soda to put down beside the bed before offering: ]
So. Just to check have you ever seen Love, Sam or is this one going to be new for you?
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